this was worth reading
Here are the reasons I find this disingenuous:
1. Um. No. Sure, if two people are of equivalent levels of attractiveness (and to some extent i would argue this is objective) then it may be fair to infer that a person is being shallow for roundly dismissing a given person’s advances based purely on prejudice (ie. he wears starwars shirts he’s probably some basement dwelling nerd).
But I while I’ve routinely experienced friends and myself wishing a person would give them a chance, i have never experienced these people putting the onus on the object of their affection. The onus is almost always on themselves for not being outgoing, etc. After all it would represent a profound cognitive dissonance to presume a person to be prejudice without knowing.
2. Again, entirely contextual. If a person says something as forward as “date me” with little to know prompt it would be right (in my mind) to distance yourself (at least until you get to know them). On “desperation” specifically it’s important to note that it is a nearly innate characteristic of people in general to be at least somewhat challenged in their attraction.
Whether in men or women, there is a certain “chase” or “mystery” aspect to people that is deemed valuable in relationships.
3. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never associated or known any person who has acted this way nor do it myself. The vast majority of men (to my knowledge) have far more courtesy and subtly than this. However, it is well worth noting that i am aware that this is does happen according to my female friends. It isn’t exactly common, and more often occurs in places like clubs or other areas which are generally considered part of the “hook up culture” but that doesn’t detract from it’s wrong-ness.
It is fucked up. And some guys really need a god damn reality check. That being said, i’ve also personally known when the situation is reversed. It may not be common but men also recieve this harassment.
4. Advertising. Plain and simple. For every single example of proposed “female objectification” there is a counterpoint in it. Advertising tactics play off our conscious/unconscious desires and sex sells. And honestly I do think that objectification of men and women is not as bad as people make it out to be.
If you have a significant other, but only value them for their apppearance then you are a profound piece of shit.
But if you’re out to have some fun, a one night stand or anything short term. You should have no obligation to pretend as if a person’s appearance plays no part in your selection. People are decoration, whether in reality or in commercials. Do you have a bunch of muscular, handsome male friends? Your status is improved; men and women will infer that your value as a person and friend is better because of the company you keep. Vice Versa holds true as well.
5. Again, i’ve never seen nor experienced this in all of my life. If this is purportedly systemic sexism wouldn’t it be more common? That I, a relative, a friend, or a friend of a friend would have at least once before seen or heard of this? There are outlying examples to be sure, but i’m led to believe there is a selection bias given that these occur far from anywhere close to me.
Nothing. And i mean nothing pisses me off more than hearing about sexual harassment. I know people who have dealt with it and it fucking disgusts me. But you know what? I’ve only ever heard of an incredible network of people whether strangers, acquaintances or otherwise treating them extremely well. Doing them favors, talking through things with them and being supportive. Never victim blaming.
The only victim blaming i’ve ever seen has been directed towards guys who’ve just “asked for it” when they’re beaten by their girl friends.
6. An incredibly stupid false equivalence.
Although i’ve already given my personal experience (or lack thereof) with victim blaming but this example simply does. not. work. There is nothing sexual about a kick to the groin. That is simply assault.
Sexual assault and assault are very far from the same thing.
7. Unsurprisingly enough I think that it really can. Is this a purely appearance based thing? Of course not. But I think it is inarguable that working out, changing your diet, your appearance, your mindset, your routine and a whole array of various details that play into a recreation of yourself will have a profound effect on many problems.
Obviously financial/family/etc issues can’t be solved this way. But self-esteem? Yes. Social? Yes. Health? Yes. Many, many, many problems can be changed by how you see and feel about yourself. Being fit might not be necessary but it’s a damn good way.
8. “Boy’s problems” is a rather ambiguous phrase but i’ll take this to mean the common aforementioned problems of appearance, self-esteem, fitness, health, sexuality, etc.
It’s very perplexing to me that this sort of infographic seems to be directed towards the hyper masculine “bro” sort of demographic that would (allegedly) feel no guilty or hypocrisy in victim blaming etc.
The problem with this is that these are precisely the people that have the least sympathy for self-loathing, self-consciousness, shyness, weakness, etc. There is a reason that athletic, body-building and “bro” culture is largely dominated by men and this is obviously not because they think that accepting themselves is paramount so much as realizing the best version of themselves.
Confidence is a large part of masculinity and the most frequently cited attractive characteristic by women and men alike. Confidence can be achieved with self-acceptance; but most men and women alike achieve this confidence by working towards it whether athletically or intellectually.
9. Is this the 1800s? I wonder who made this infographic that they could be so out of tune with modern society. I would love to see how they define “taught”, and “society” in either instance.
They may have a case for niche locations in Southern United States but the vast majority of the all Western first nations preach sexual empowerment. Older baby boomers with outdated, maligned and laughable views may still talk of “purity” or criticize “hook up culture” but for the most part no one expects it of our generation. Playing the field is a socially acceptable to say nothing or promoted aspect of life today.
Sexual urges are natural. It stands to reason that men should be taught or to know intrinsically that their urges are masculine. This goes equally for women. If I knew a single person (outside of extreme religious conservatism) who believed that women’s sexuality should be controlled then I would give ground. But i haven’t.
Secularism is starting to dominant most Western first world countries, and as it does this overstay from religious conservatism will relinquish it’s hold. And as always, it’s worth mentioning that abstinence is gender neutral. Both men and women are taught be some religious ideologies that sexuality is sinful or for saving until marriage.
10. The criticism of clothing still does occur to some degree today but is -in my experience- almost entirely restricted by weather.
If it’s 30 degrees outside and a guy or girl is wearing several layers of clothing it begs questioning. Similarly, if a guy or girl is wearing a tank-top or muscle shirt and its fucking minus 10 or more then it invites criticism.
I find myself laughing and dude-bros trying to show off their muscles in the winter than i find myself slut shaming women.
It happens still, and its still a problem. But does this count as systemic sexism? Systematic sexism implies that it is directly taught or socialized. Some may argue that slut shaming is today, but with every instance of it being extremely stigmatized, documented, criticized and highlighted; i think we live in a highly progressive society.
11. Subjective taste is a thing. Women and men will always present their taste as if it’s fact. Short-haired women like Jennifer Lawerence have really prove the popularization of the look and I and many friends i have are really attracted to down-right androgynous features. Acting as if femininity is imposed and taught is ignorant of the male experience because i can say for a fact that there is far from a consensus on what is deemed “feminine” or “attractive” in their look. Again, this goes doubly for men. I’ve had several women of the years comment and criticize the looks of men constantly: “Too bad he’s so short”, “omg he’s way too muscular, gross”, “ew dreadlocks”, “ew tatoos”, “omg why does he have so many piercings”.
People are shallow. Not just men.
12. Again, another example that is willfully ignorant of the male experience. I’ve been self-conscious of my appearance ever since high school. Does the author of this infographic actually believe that men aren’t criticized for being fat or out of shape? Holy. Fucking. Shit. “Do you even lift bro” is primarily used ironically but for some time (including now in some circles) it is used sincerely to challenge people to “man-up”.
Its a standard retort to any guy who complains. Boo hoo, she let you down? Do you even lift? Get in shape bro, you look like shit.
The standard of every persons body weight is policed to an incredible degree. Women likely face more scrutiny in the realm of being “too thin” or “skeletal” but then again I can recount far, far, FAR more examples of men being shamed for having “bird chests” or trying too hard if they take their shirt off or for being -i kid you not- “Auschwitz mode”
13. And in the end they throw in the cursory “and men too!” to act as if they give a shit about men although they never even make an attempt to address any of their issues and even seem to go out of their way to misrepresent them or simple not know them.
Perhaps if the author actually gave a shit they would present each example using neutral pronouns without the need of the infamous “but men” phrase.
So. There’s my rant.